So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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