its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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