call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
