Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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