I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
