I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
