a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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