I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
