Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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