So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
