Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
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