I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
