Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
