a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
