oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
