You can't special order awesome
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
