Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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