i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
