Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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