Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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