The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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