So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
porn star boner night. come get it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
