Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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