everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
