My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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