If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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