he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You made out with two different species that night
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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