drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
