Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
