FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Randomize
