he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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