the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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