Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
