How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
