I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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