dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
