i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
