You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
