my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
