Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
