I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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