I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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