my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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