My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Your dad touched me again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
