glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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