Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
