Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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