Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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