You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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