So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
