The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
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I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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