We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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