That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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