At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
