Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
