Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
