he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
