google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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