My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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