I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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